


A losing game.

by chewbaccawithproblems



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bitterness, Breakup, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Spencer Reid, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Just a brief mention, M/M, Out of Character Aaron Hotchner, Out of Character Spencer Reid, Unrequited Hate, Unrequited Love, there isnt any though, this is why hotch left the bau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29807832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewbaccawithproblems/pseuds/chewbaccawithproblems
Summary: It was a nightmare ending with someone having to resign. 12 years of hard work completely down the drain because they decided to start things they knew would have to end. And unfortunately, nobody was allowed to wake up.-Aaron messes up big time and this time, he knows he wont get Spencer's forgiveness.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can 100% tell I had no idea where this story was going until I got there so sorry if that throws you off a bit.   
> To clear any confusion this is set during season 12 (2016) when Hotch is 'in witsec' but has absolutely no relation to the canon plot otherwise.

‘I hate you.’

Aaron took a sharp breath.

‘Spencer, please. You don’t mean that. I swear I’ll make it up to you.’

Spencer scoffed, ‘Make it up to me? That’s all you’ve got.’

Aaron was desperately fighting back tears. He hadn’t intended for this conversation to go south so quickly. Well preferably it wouldn’t have gone south at all, but he had to admit he did fuck up and needed to at least have the decency to let Spencer know.

Spencer, on the other hand, was furiously pacing around the living room allowing the cable of the house phone to get tangled and untangled repeatedly as it scraped against the table.

The pair had spent the weekend together finding their feet as they revived their relationship for the 5th time that month, they were a losing game and they both knew it. It was just the fear of letting go, having to work together, Aaron having to deal with Spencer being a subordinate who most doesn’t like to maintain being professional when he’s hurt, and worse, Spencer dealing with someone who he just confessed his hatred for as his boss.

It was a nightmare ending with someone having to resign. 12 years of hard work completely down the drain because they decided to start things they knew would have to end. And unfortunately, nobody was allowed to wake up.

‘You decided to just casually inform me, _over the phone_ , that you knocked someone up.’

‘I was going to ask for you to come over but then...well you know.’

Spencer threw his hands up, phone almost flying out of his grip. Aaron was referring to the case they got called in for that ended successfully for the team but, because the pair were still in the hazing period it meant that they had come and left separately, Spencer to the airport to make it to a lecture the next morning and Aaron back to the flat. 

‘Aaron, you had the whole damn weekend to tell me. You had all of the week _and_ the weekend. We might not have been talking but we still live together! I wouldn’t be so mad if we hadn’t _just_ made up and if you had maybe, I don’t know, thought to tell me when I wasn’t in Vegas! How did this even come about, Aaron?’

Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose, there was no way to explain this one easily. ‘It was during that month where we were broken up. I was lonely and sad but had the common sense to not come crawling back to you again, so I went out and bumped into this girl I used to work with at the law firm and we got talking and then… a bit more than talking.’

‘Please tell me you were at least sober when this happened. That way I don’t have to worry about getting pegged as the partner of the accused-‘

‘Hey! Spencer that is too far. You know perfectly well sex does not happen when either party is drunk, we have been there so many times, you had no right.’

Spencer did feel a bit of guilt at that, but he was far too frustrated with Aaron sounding so calm. He then rationalised that if he were to be getting angry that would be an attempt at defending himself which would be completely void in this particular instance considering there was no way Aaron could make himself sound like the good guy here. _He_ was the one who knocked someone up.

‘Right.’ He wasn’t about to apologise; Aaron didn’t deserve one. ‘Well, how did you find out she was pregnant?’

Ah, the long-awaited question with an answer that would not satisfy Spencer because it was simple and boring. Aaron knew Spencer was angry and he certainly didn’t blame him, but he knew Spencer wanted to be angry, it was the way he dealt with things, shouting matches, and hurting competitions was where he exceled but Aaron, having already practiced that enough before his divorce, didn’t bother anymore. After Spencer he decided he was going to stop trying completely. He clearly just wasn’t cut for relationships and he would just have to learn to live with that.

‘She told me. She had my number, asked to meet up for lunch, and let me know.’

Spencer bit his lip as a wave of intense sadness hit him, defeat.

This was it.

He knew Aaron too well, there was absolutely no way he was going to stay with Spencer when he had another child on the way. It was almost like he was morally obligated to go and be in a relationship with the mother, and not because of any pressure from her. Spencer hated him for it, more than anything else.

‘How about you give her a call back and let _her_ know that you’re single again. I’m sure she’ll be delighted. And give her my congratulations on the child, she’s chosen quite the man to father them.’

Aaron broke. He knew this was the final fight, the one that ended it all, he just wished it hadn’t ended quite so quickly. He and Spencer may have been incredibly unhappy, but it hadn’t always been like that. They were in love. For 7 years they had been each other’s rock, a light in each other’s darkness. 

Spencer heard Aarons cries that made the audio crackle and sat the phone down. He gave his engagement ring one last look before sliding it off his finger and placing it on the table. He’d put it in a ring box along with the rest of Aarons belongings. They’d need to sort out living arrangements later but for now Spencer was incredibly grateful to have property in Vegas.

Aaron had proposed on their 4th year anniversary and Spencer accepted with glassy eyes and a kiss that held years of passion and love that they thought would last forever. Oh, how they were wrong.

It all started going downhill after Spencer’s mother had died, two years ago. He didn’t know how to cope and, despite the comfort and support Aaron provided, the strain on their relationship was evident. The journeys into work were in stony silence, they went to bed hours apart and woke up miles apart, not even a single toe connecting them, sex was a rare thing, usually only done if they had a really bad case and needed the release, sometimes, even then they’d sleep in separate rooms.

They had both threatened to end it after every second argument but somehow made it work and work until it was truly exhausted, and it definitely wasn’t getting paid minimum wage.

The engagement had failed just over a year after it started. And now, after too long, it was finally ending, but God did it hurt. 

‘Goodbye, Aaron. I’m going to need to request a couple of weeks off work but don’t expect to see me around. I’ll have someone bring your stuff over.’ Spencer’s voice was cold, not a single emotion teasing through. He wasn’t angry anymore, nor was he sad, he felt like a man who needed to start again, and not with Aaron.

The line clicked off before Aaron could formulate any sort of coherent sentence. His body racked with sobs, shoulders shaking and breathing impossible. He had lost. And he really wasn’t ready to.

‘Goodbye Spencer.’ He murmured, his voice deafening in the otherwise completely silent room, a silence he would have to get used to.

Aaron really didn’t know what to do, he would need to talk to the mother of his child first and foremost and if she decides to keep them, the only logical thing would be to ask how they were going to work through this. Aaron was happy to take custody of the child, or pay child support, just so long as he was involved in some way or another. He wasn’t about to abandon her, especially now.

He felt awful that it caused the ending of he and Spencer’s relationship, but he did what had to be done. If Spencer wasn’t willing to co-parent then they would have had to break it off anyway. Aaron had his priorities chosen; he just regretted the reason for having to choose them.

Aaron knew he had to take early retirement. Even if Spencer decided to transfer or teach full time they would still be connected to one another, they would still see the team and go to out for drinks and he knew he couldn’t face that. The pension would be good, more than enough to keep two children comfortably. He would move out and sell up no problem, finding a new place. He might even consider moving out of state, having a fresh start, it would be okay.

9 years he spent with Spencer. They had lived through almost a decade yet filled their final two with hatred. He knew he should be happy to let go and move on, be happy for Spencer; he was still young, he could settle down again in no time. But he just couldn’t.

He will always love Spencer, even if Spencer doesn’t love him.


	2. It all started with the bay window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all asked me to fix them, we'll get there.   
> Hope you enjoy :)

Aaron was stood in the living room looking out of the bay window, cradling his daughter in his arms and all he could think about was how much Spencer would have loved sitting curled up with a book in the nook. There was a large mahogany bookshelf to his right filled with all of Aaron’s favourites, most of them recommended by Spencer. Everything in the house reminded him of Spencer, it was torture.

It had been 13 months since they split for good and, as much as he absolutely loved having his perfect, beautiful child and was on good terms with Tess, her mother, it just wasn’t the same. He hadn’t had enough time to grieve. And he hadn’t seen the man he was in love with since that weekend before everything went to shit.

After the box of his belongings from Vegas landed on the doorstep he got looking into real estate in Maryland as it was close enough to Tess and where her firm was based, but not too far from Jess, because it would feel mean to just up and leave. There hadn’t been much time between Aaron starting work after taking a couple days off and him receiving his stuff so maybe this was Spencer’s thanks for approving his two weeks off.

He had sat down with Jack a couple days after the breakup and they had a long chat, Aaron not enclosing any details that weren’t necessary, only that he wouldn’t be seeing Spencer anymore. He and Spencer got on tremendously, Jack having been practically raised by the guy, and Aaron had absolutely no problem with Jack staying in contact with him. Spencer was annoyed at Aaron and only Aaron and he knew that Spencer would never direct anger at his family. It wouldn’t surprise him if he were still to check in with Jessica every now and then too.

Jack was coming up thirteen so Aaron felt awful suggesting him moving schools as it would mean leaving all his friends behind, so he was conflicted. He was going to have to move out either way because the flat was in both of their names and it appeared that Spencer wasn’t all that enthusiastic about moving back in and had even sent him a letter to let him know just how much, along with additional information about money transfers and real estate.

He knew moving out of state was best though, despite it just being an hour and a half across the border, getting a fresh start would help him heal, he thought. And he did ask Jack if he’d rather stay with Jessica, but he was quite adamant he wanted to live with his dad full time which elated Aaron. He wouldn’t have minded Jack deciding to stay as his happiness always came first to Aaron, but it was nice knowing that he could finally provide his son with a stable home and give him full priority, watch him grow up. 

As it turns out, Tess was about 2 months pregnant when she initially told him, so he had a duty to help her through the whole pregnancy which was an incredibly surreal experience despite having already went through it with Haley. Maybe it was because he and Spencer hadn’t really thought about adopting, quite happy with Jack and their steadily growing list of Godchildren. That and it had come as quite a surprise. But Aaron could only guess.

Aaron still wondered why Tess was in some random, local bar in Virginia when they had hooked up that night, but he didn’t worry himself with it, far too concerned with the literal life inside of her when they met up again and she informed him of her decision to keep the baby. 

The first 4 months or so living together were awful for both of them. They were staying at Aarons which was a bit uncomfortable all things considered. Tess because she was literally pregnant, and adjusting to that is never fun, but also because Aaron was moping, still absolutely heartbroken from having to put in the request for early retirement and therefore leaving his family, as well as, you know, the whole breaking off the engagement thing. And having to tell the whole team, and his boss. Not the greatest week he’d had.

After that, he and Tess had agreed that they would not be living together after the birth and would just work with co-parenting on alternate weeks. They had attempted to pursue a relationship, going out on a few dates and whatnot but everything was just too soon and, as good as the sex had been that one time, there was nothing really romantic there, so they concluded it as a no-go.

The twenty-week scan was a lot more pleasant as they had decided that they would like to know the gender of their baby. And this is where Aaron found out he was going to have a daughter. Jack was going to have a little sister and he couldn’t be happier. He and Tess had cried happy tears that day and Aaron had to admit, they had been the first happy tears he had cried in a while.

In the final stages of Tess’s pregnancy, it was all just excitement and adrenaline. Aaron had found a house and put in the deposit, money from the flat safely transferred to him and Aarons half of the mortgage sent back. Jack had met Tess a hundred times since then and, thankfully, they enjoyed each other’s company and got on well. They had announced the pregnancy to Jack the day after he and Aaron talked and he was ecstatic, having already come to terms that he was unlikely to get a sibling long ago, so it was a very pleasant shock. Aaron had promised that they’d decorate the baby’s room together, along with choosing out some new things for his room. He wanted Jack to feel the most at home he could and him being at an age where he could make these sort of decisions certainly helped. 

It seemed like just five minutes later when Aaron was whisking Tess off to the hospital. They had compromised, after much deliberation, that Tess would choose the first name and Aaron the middle, and so Kaitlyn Diana Hotchner was brought into the world on June 18th, 2017 at 8:42am.

Aaron felt incredibly cruel for wanting Spencer to be there to see her first.

Two months after Kaitlyn was settled in, Aaron had asked Tess if she would like to visit some of his friends at work and show their daughter off. She excitedly agreed, happy to be introduced. She did ask, and it seemed with regret, if seeing Spencer would be uncomfortable and Aaron had assured her that Spencer would not be attending as it was a day he was lecturing. She seemed a little defeated at that, and they had discussed it, she was genuinely sorry and hoped to talk to Spencer. Aaron knew that, once again, Spencer was just annoyed with him and would probably be quite pleasant with Tess as she didn’t get herself pregnant, that was on him.

He appreciated her nonetheless, they had found themselves in a bit of an awkward situation and she definitely wasn’t all that pleased when she found out that Aaron was engaged and had to sacrifice so much. He was quick to shut her down on that though as he wasn’t about to take pity when he was undeserving of it.

Aaron walked into the bullpen, Tess in tow, and basked as the team all squawked and awed over the tiny bundle in his arms, happily passing her around. He had been worried there would be tension between him and his old colleagues but was incredibly grateful that nobody had chosen sides or held any particularly strong grudges against him. It was a little bit dicey after the initial excitement as Kaitlyn started fussing so Aaron safely transferred her to Tess who went off to walk around to settle her.

He was alone with them and he knew he was about to be bombarded with very carefully veiled questions.

‘So, how’s retirement treating you, Hotch?’, Penelope was the first to speak.

‘Ah, can’t complain. I’m settled into a nice house and Jack and I have been having a good time exploring, and obviously the little one makes everything great.’

‘Maryland, huh. I’ve always striked you as a more of a New York kinda guy.’ Morgan chipped in.

‘Nah, I don’t think so. I enjoy the city, don’t get me wrong, I just think that’s more Spen-‘Aaron had cut himself off before he could go into _that_ territory. He’d only been there 15 minutes and messed up.

‘Hey, it’s gotta come up at some point,’ Emily said just before the silence became too much, ‘Aaron, we’re so sorry.’

Aaron bit back a deep sigh, ‘You shouldn’t need to apologise, I’m to blame for it all. How is he?’ He felt his chest tighten with immediate regret at asking.

Emily, who was now carrying the conversation as the rest of the team looked at one another, almost retreating, answered.

‘We’ve seen him better. He’s still top of his game, more so now than ever but he’s struggling, Hotch. I know your relationship with him was crumbling but he’s taken it hard. We can see right through him, as much as we try not to profile him, that macho man technique doesn’t work.’

Aaron let his eyes slip shut for a second, he was expecting that. But he definitely didn’t think highly enough of himself to have been that important to Spencer to have caused so much pain. He was still under the impression that he was always going to be hated.

‘It’s almost been a year. I know I’m still suffering a bit, but I thought he would have moved on.’

It was JJ’s turn to speak, ‘He will eventually but it’s still too soon. You know how private he is anyway, even if he were to be dating again, we wouldn’t know about it.’

‘Right. Yeah, sorry.’ Aaron rubbed a hand across his face, ‘This is all just a bit surreal.’

There was a series of polite chuckles, ‘That’s one way of putting it.’

Aaron smiled; it was a sad one but at least it was something. He preferred it over allowing the lump in his throat to get any bigger.

It was then that Tess appeared at the door with a soundly sleeping Kaitlyn in her arms. Aaron nodded to her and everyone said hushed goodbyes with hugs and quick pecks on the cheek.

And so here Aaron stood. His mind coming back to focus on the rain that had begun pelting against the window. Kaitlyn grumbled softly and stretched, her tiny hands clenching and unclenching, eventually reaching out to take hold of one of his fingers. Aaron smiled down at the feather light grip and felt his eyes cloud with tears.

He might just have to give Spencer a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, that's the end of chapter 2!  
> As always, you are loved, you are valid and you deserve so much happiness.   
> Much love,   
> J  
> Resources-   
>  \- https://currentintissues.carrd.co/  
>  -https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html


	3. That little glimmer of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I'm not all mean ;)

‘Spence, hi.’

There was a cripplingly long pause as Spencer gave his phone a double take.

‘Aaron?’

Aaron cleared his throat, ‘Yeah, eh- sorry for just randomly calling you up I just-‘

Spencer felt frustration build in his stomach. He was finally beginning to get over this man and he goes and _phones him up._ Did he not recall the last time they decided to have a leisurely phone call?!

He cut him off. ‘Aaron, this better be a life-or-death situation because I really have better things to do.’

Shit. Aaron sighed to himself, why did he do this? He should just abort mission right now.

‘Sorry. I was just wondering… well- eh… the rest of the team have seen Ka- my child, and I was wondering if you’d like to meet her and Tess?’ Aaron silently cursed himself, why did he ask that? Oh my God. He could have just apologised and hung up, obviously Spencer wouldn’t be interested in a child he had nothing to do with!

The silence on the other end as Spencer digested the words was a good enough answer for Aaron to start jumping to conclusions and panic.

‘You know what, never mind. That was really stupid of me, I’m sorry. I’ll go now. I wish you all the best, Spencer.’ Aaron’s eyes stung with unreleased tears as he went to hang up.

‘No, Aaron, wait.’

A surge of hope filled Aaron’s heart.

‘Yeah?’

Spencer let out a soft exhale, ‘You had a girl?’

Aaron smiled in relief; his heart suddenly become light.

Sitting down, he replied ‘We did. She’s perfect.’

‘Congratulations, Aaron, I’m so happy for you. What’s her name?’

Aaron was practically giddy. He really wasn’t expecting so much validation, sure Spencer could just be being polite and asking out of necessity but Aaron allowed himself that little glimmer of hope.

‘It’s Kaitlyn.’

‘Aw, that’s a good name, did you know it means pure?’

God, he had never been so happy to hear Spencer’s endless knowledge in his life.

‘Thank you, Tess chose it. I didn’t know that, it seems quite fitting to me.’

‘She did? Did you have a name you’d have preferred? And it is, babies are the purest beings you can find.’

‘She did. Oh, I got the middle name, we made a deal quite early on.’

‘Well now I’m curious, what did you choose? Middle names are just as important as first names, in fact 80% of children now have middle names and it’s quite common for them to go by their middle names, preferring it to their first.’

Aaron felt a surge of anxiety, he wasn’t really prepared to admit her middle name, suddenly regretting the very moment he decided on it.

‘Her middle name is Diana.’ He said it as calmly as he could, opting to ignore the fact and go straight for the kill.

He heard a rustling on the other end, almost as if Spencer had sat down and lost grip of the phone.

‘Diana? As in my mom?’

‘Yeah, Spence. I’m sorry, I had no right, I just…’ He sighed for what felt like the 9th time, ‘I just felt like I still needed a part of you with me. A reminder of all the good times.’

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat, he felt so… touched? It wasn’t like he could be annoyed at not being consulted or something, he had made it exceptionally difficult to get a hold of him, communicating via letter or a middleman if he had to.

All Spencer could do was reply with a soft ‘thank you,’ a sniffle, ‘genuinely, Aaron, thank you. It’s not like I would have been able to name any children of my own after her so I’m glad you did.’

Aaron let his own tears flow. He was too overwhelmed to feel any pride, all he could focus on was Spencer’s sincerity and that soft voice he missed so much.

After a moment of the pair both attempting to collect themselves, Aaron spoke. ‘Do you want to see her?’

He could imagine Spencer’s face, a teary smile with red-rimmed eyes as he nodded in reply. ‘I would love to.’

And there was that feeling of lightness again, although this time mixed with a tinge of sadness. He knew Spencer might not be ready to see him and that was okay, well that’s what he was desperately telling himself. ‘Great. Tess will be excited to meet you. I don’t have to come if you don’t want, it’s no problem.’

Spencer pondered for a moment, pros and cons hurtling through his mind. He needed the closure. He’d rather schedule an awkward meeting than bump into him whilst he’s making out with his girlfriend.

‘No, it’s okay, you can come. It’ll make… Tess, did you say her name was? A bit more comfortable, I’d presume.’

Aaron thought he might pass out, he was going to see Spencer, the same Spencer who declared his hatred for him just a year ago Spencer. He swallowed heavily, willing for his voice not to waver as he continued the conversation. ‘Yeah, it’s Tess. That’s a good point, didn’t really think about that actually. What time are you free?’

He presumed that Spencer still had the same routine he always had but he thought he should ask all the same, not wanting to come off kinda stalkerish.

‘I’m free tomorrow actually, if you’re willing to come through. I know it’s kind of short notice.’

He didn’t question Spencer knowing his whereabouts considering he had the worlds worst team at keeping secrets, not like it was a secret, but it was bound to have cropped up in conversation if there had been any cases anywhere in Maryland.

‘I’ll check with Tess but I’m happy to drive in. Do you want to meet at a park or something?’

‘Do you not live together?’

The suddenness of quite a random question took Aaron aback. ‘We don’t.’ It was matter of fact and just as abrupt as the question had been.

That had been bothering Spencer as soon as Aaron mentioned Tess the second time. He wasn’t jealous, just wanting to know if Aaron had done what he thought he would.

The reply came as quite a surprise, especially with just how shortly Aaron had answered with. He wasn’t expecting that to be a touchy subject and ducked his head, as if he were in person getting scolded by his boss. 

‘Right, sorry. I was just curious, I didn’t mean to overstep. A park is fine, how about that one we-‘Spencer cut himself off, not wanting to rehash buried memories. ‘- Jack used to go to.’

Aaron felt a bit guilty, not having intended to hurt Spencer, he didn’t realise his tone had come across as quite so defensive.

‘It’s alright, I was just not expecting the question, that’s all. That park is good,’ Aaron bit his lip, debating with himself on whether to bring his son up. Oh, screw it. They had gotten so far, might as well draw the conversation out to 15 minutes.

‘Jack misses you. I told him he was allowed to phone you if he wanted, I wasn’t about to ruin his relationship with you too.’

Spencer somehow managed to simultaneously relax and tense at the same time, wincing as he felt himself pull a muscle in his neck. He rubbed the sore spot and lay down on the couch, he was going to need a glass of wine after this.

‘I miss him too. I appreciate that you encouraged him to speak to me, he has called a couple times, I don’t know if he told you.’ Spencer knew this was a bit of an inappropriate time for jokes but decided to go for it. ‘You haven’t entirely ruined our relationship, you know. That was a long time coming before we ended it.’

Aaron ran a hand through his hair. That final comment had hurt a little bit, it was entirely honest but even saying it light-heartedly allowed for him to extinguish the flame of hope of them ever getting back together, at least for the time being.

‘He hadn’t told me, no. I don’t mind though, its his personal life, not mine. And I hate that you’re right. I guess I just broke the straw.’

Spencer gave the phone a look of mild disdain, he really didn’t want to get back into this argument.

He gave a short, almost sad laugh. ‘I’m sure he appreciates that. You’re doing well Aaron, it’s nice to hear you’re happy.’

Aaron, half disregarding Spencer’s assumption felt like he couldn’t wait much longer to ask.

‘Are you happy, Spencer?’

Spencer felt his stomach sink.

In all honesty he wasn’t happy. He had let himself get so holed up in being angry that he hadn’t really let the sadness seep through. He was sad. He was sad because he regretted saying what he said on the phone that day, he regretted not letting Aaron in sooner. It was obvious Aaron was still hurting, why else would he phone out of the blue?

He knew that their engagement had failed a long time ago but maybe a year away was what they needed. Work caused a lot of problems and the pair were definitely going grey before 40 from just how high demand it could be. But now that Aaron is retired and seems to be enjoying life a bit more maybe, Spencer thought, he could join. He was more than happy to co-parent again, he had no problem with that, he never did. Aaron was probably under that impression but really Spencer was only annoyed because of why he was going to have to co-parent to begin with.

Spencer stopped mid- thought, a wave of intense sadness hit him as he realised that he couldn’t. Aaron was in a relationship. _Aaron was in a fucking relationship._ God how had he let himself be so stupid to still be in love with his ex-fiancé who was probably quite happy with his two children and partner?!

‘Spencer?’

Shit. He had been so lost in thought he had entirely forgotten about Aaron on the end of the line.

Spencer took a deep breath. ‘Do you want an honest answer?’

Aaron’s heart started beating a little bit faster than he’d have liked.

‘Well, if you want to give me one I wouldn’t be opposed.’

Aaron jumped as he heard the front door clatter shut, he had been sitting on a stool in the kitchen throughout the entire conversation, completely forgetting to check the clock. Jack was due home from school at 12:30, and, when Aaron swivelled around in the chair to check the clock on the oven it was 12:35.

‘Dad?’ A small voice called from the hallway.

‘Ah, Spence, I’m sorry. Give me two seconds, alright?’

Spencer decided to move up that slot for his wine. Who cares that it was mid-day? A bottle of red hadn’t hurt him too much before. He didn’t really mind if it did this time.

Standing, he put the phone down on the table, ignoring the voices on the other end whilst he walked over to the kitchen, thank you open plan apartment living. He was quick to grab the bottle and choose a wine glass. He looked at the glass fondly as he realised that these were the ones he and Aaron had been gifted as an engagement present from the team. They were different from the rest of his wine glasses because they had this beautiful golden rim on their lip and base. Spencer had spent ages talking about them in true appreciation, head in Aaron’s lap whilst he played with his hair on the couch, that had been a good night.

After returning to the couch, he took quite the swig before picking up the phone.

The line was dead, dial tone sharp in Spencer’s ears.

Aaron had hung up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there goes chapter 3. I quite liked writing this one.  
> As always you are loved, you are valid and you deserve happiness.  
> Much love,  
> J  
> Resources-  
> -https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/  
> -https://currentintissues.carrd.co/

**Author's Note:**

> Well folks, that's it.   
> This one was kinda sad and out of my usual groove. I write about this stuff all the time in my personal time but I'm not big on writing ship stuff with characters I don't own, it was fun though!  
> But anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed and, as always, you are loved and valid and deserve happiness.   
> resources:   
> \- https://www.adl.org/education/resources/tools-and-strategies/womens-history-month-resources  
> \- http://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/


End file.
